Middle School: where 'special' is not a noun.

I am feeling nostalgic, reading through some old posts about my school.  The highs and the lows, the good and the bad, things I'd forgotten and things I'll never forget.  Last week, I interviewed for, and was hired for, a middle school librarian job.  I accepted.  I told my principal about it on Friday afternoon, our last day of school, but he had already spoken to my new principal, so he knew before I had a chance to tell him.
We didn't say much, as I think we were both just weary. Tired of the fighting, tired of dealing with one another, tired of being disappointed in each other.  It has been a long school year, and things that happened back in the fall seem like they were a million years ago.  That incident in September faded away, and that child and I had a wonderful year together.  Then the afternoon in October/November, when I saw a teacher do something inappropriate, reported it, and then she resigned. I had a hard time coming to terms with that. The specialists had a meeting in December with our principal regarding our concerns, and that was difficult.  Then, in late February, he and I had that huge blowup.
More recently, I had an incident with a classroom teacher who was treating another specialist rudely.  I was reprimanded in an email from the principal that I promptly deleted.  The only part of what happened with that teacher that I feel even remotely bad about is that it occurred within earshot of students.  The rest of it felt completely justified.
What feels strange is that this year felt like the best year with my students that I've ever had.  We did really meaningful lessons and read great books and just generally enjoyed each other's company and time together.  As always, they made me laugh every day (my favorite part of teaching). I rarely raised my voice and only wrote one referral this whole year.  The kids were happy, I was happy teaching them, but on the administrative front, every step seemed insurmountable.
Teaching on a cart for 3 weeks was completely ridiculous, and I was resentful that I was the only specialist (except for the computer lab teacher) evicted from my space.  She and I are the only two specialists regularly correlating with the grade level curriculum, and we're the ones kicked out of our rooms.  Where is the justice?!?!
So many little things have happened, so slowly, that have made me miserable at this school.  I didn't want to leave just to leave, but I have to admit that there is a little bit of that in my decision.  I will learn to love middle schoolers, and I already love the new library and principal.  Change is good, and I look forward to learning new stuff, reading new literature, designing new lessons, and getting good at something different.

I really identified with that story of the frog in the pot of boiling water.  Things had gotten so bad so slowly that I hardly noticed.  But over the past five or so years, my job has gotten more difficult, I've had less support from administration, more strain with colleagues, and a greater "us vs. them" mentality. It was time to take myself out of that pot before I boiled to death, metaphorically speaking. Middle school will be entirely different, and while I am mentally up for the challenge, I am still quite nervous about it.  The quote in the title comes from my sister, a middle school teacher; I think I will learn to appreciate it more and more every day in my new job.
I dread having to pack up my office and clear out all the crap I've accumulated in the past 9 years.  Ugh... I have no boxes, no big plan, but it has to get done.  I would like to be finished at my current school by Thursday, have a nice long weekend, and move into my new digs the last week of June.  That is my plan.  I'll report back on how it actually goes.

Spring Reboot

Yesterday, I went to one of my state's regional librarian conferences.  It wasn't the one for my particular region, but it was fine--plenty of people I knew, and I got some good ideas.  The conference for my region was held pretty far away, and I, of course, couldn't get professional leave to go on Friday.  But the conference I attended was about 1/2 hour away and on a Saturday--WIN/WIN!
At the start, I had a little something to eat while I sat with some librarians I did not know.  We had a great discussion about genrefying our fiction sections.  I am leaning more and more toward it...much to think about here.  It could be a good summer project.
Then I went to a session about a local man who was a civil rights leader (not on our state standards) who was friends with others who are on our people-to-know list.  All the attendees at this session got a free copy of the book--awesome! I am excited to share it with the kids and help them make connections among all these people they're supposed to know about.
My second session was so fun--an old friend presented a session about controversial literature and literature that makes a social commentary.  She noticed me in the audience about 1/2 way through the presentation and stopped to say hello.  Afterwards, we got to talk for a few minutes.  Another librarian came up and announced herself as the presenter's first groupie.  We laughed and let her know that I was officially the first groupie several years ago!
Then it was time for lunch, where I met a new friend, a librarian getting her MLS online and hoping for a school library job next year.  Our lunch time passed too quickly as we found lots of things we have in common.
The third session was a sneak-peak at our state award list for next school year.  I'd already seen the list, but not all of the books, so it was nice to start thinking about that already.  I picked up a few of the books from a vendor who had a great deal, so I can start working on them over the summer. Ooh, I just stopped to order one from Amazon.  The presenter mentioned that it is hard to get; indeed, Amazon had no copies in stock, but I bought it used from a third-party seller.  At least I will have it, as I'm sure librarians around the state will be clammoring for it soon.
I visited with a couple vendors after that and then decided to bag the fourth session and keynote and just head home.  It was a good day, and just what I needed to recharge for the spring.

Let Down

I am feeling so let down today. It is a sad feeling that I've not shaken yet, even though it happened at 9 this morning.

One of my duties is to run the morning announcements. We have a cast of fifth graders, a fifth grade camera man, and a kindergartner to say the pledge. I type up the script and we practice it and go live, all in the span of 30 minutes.

Our new-ish PE teacher (2nd year teacher) wanted to help with the broadcast, and the principal wouldn't let him run it but would allow him to assist me. Sigh. Help like this I do not need. He rarely comes on time (the studio door is always locked and I've instructed the students not to even LOOK at him if he tries to come in after we've started) and even when he promises to work with the students before the broadcast he finds other things to do. Today, he came in as the pledge leader was leaving. Whatever. There was nothing I could do at that point to keep him out. The kicker though, was that his cell phone rang--twice--during the broadcast. I am rolling my eyes still! Then he started whispering to the cameraman, who knows what he was saying, except that he was the closest thing to the microphones and guess what got picked up?!?!

When the broadcast ended, I just walked out of the studio and went in my office and closed the doors. He knew I was mad at him. He even emailed an apology. I am choosing not to accept it right now. He makes my job harder, and THAT I do not need!

I had some pretty blunt words for him after school when he tried to come in again and apologize, and I do believe I shocked him. He needed to hear it, and even if I feel slightly bad about being so direct (calling him a screw-up and a colleage I could not count on), he deserved it. Maybe it'll sink in (I'm certainly not the only one frustrated with him) this time.

Sigh. What do you do when a colleague lets you down?